Weight
It’s been a while since I publicly vented about something so personal (i.e. a public “flogging” of a person I care about), but I’m really struggling with this. So, time to get it all out… in the only way I know how.
My mother is becoming intolerable.
She was hospitalized a while ago, can’t remember how long exactly. Since I wasn’t in town when it happened, I’ve little to no details as to the cause, though it seems like she was diagnosed with diabetes and given meds, a test kit, etc. Since then, she’s gone on a major health kick… totally changed her diet and started taking up walking (the dog) and now she gloats about how she’s gotten so much better that she doesn’t even need her medication anymore.
(and no, of course that’s not a doctor-provided diagnosis.)
This is all really great, of course, and I wouldn’t complain if it weren’t for the fact that her zealotry has now targeted me. She’s never been quiet about her opinions regarding my weight and body; I can’t even recall what it was like before she decided that I would look “so beautiful, if (you) could drop 10 pounds”. It’s become her mantra, regardless of what I actually weigh (and I would know, because I have Wii Fit and I know how much I weigh at all times now) … I have absolutely fluctuated in a range of nearly 30 lbs, but it’s always “lose 10 more”.
It’s never been so bad as it is now; I don’t think she’s said anything but criticisms or orders regarding my weight, my diet, my clothes since I got back last Thursday. Anything from dictating what I eat at lunch (“salads only!”) to saying I can’t drink water with my meals. And my clothes! She can’t stop going on about my clothes and how I am not fit to judge whether or not I can wear this item or that. She complains about how she has to take it upon herself to buy me clothing because I don’t have a clue what I look good in.
(since when do I give a damn anyway?)
Less than an hour ago, she came into my room again to harp on me. She goes on to say that she has a “sixth sense” about these things and that at my graduation, when my thesis chair pointedly crept up to us in order to snag an introduction… she claimed that he took one look at them (my parents) and then gave me a once-over from head to toe. And she said that she knew he was thinking, “how did parents like this produce such a fat girl?”
… Are you %*#$ing kidding me?
Because my self-image isn’t already suffering enough from her constant declarations of my being overweight, now she has to slander my chair advisor who has been nothing but supportive of me and my work all year?
This was amazingly hurtful and, totally stunned, I lashed back, saying that I refuse to listen to her when she was saying such things that had no basis in reality. She screamed back that she was the only one who would ever tell me the truth about these things and stormed out in a huff, claiming I’ll never get a job “looking like this”.
Yeah, Mom, you know… I believe in a sixth sense too. It’s called empathy, and I’m starting to think that you don’t appear to have a shred of it. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you, for not being enough like a girl… for being overweight… for not having any sort of fashion sense… but do you really have to twist the knife like that?
…
… Okay, I guess that’s it. ::spent::
