Fury
So I did something today that I’ve never done before… namely, blow up. At my mother’s friend. Who gave me (albeit mostly meaningless-to-me) gifts a couple days ago when I first arrived in Shanghai.
And I’m not talking like… that I was just stewing about it. I mean, I got angry, verbally. At him. When he was paying attention. With my parents sitting right next to me. And his wife sitting next to him. In a public space with thousands of other people around.
I know I can be a little snappy at times, when I’m in a bad mood… but this was really something else altogether. And I don’t think it’s really an experience I care to repeat.
I’ve no desire to go into all the little details, but I have to note that extraordinary clarity with which I remember the moment where I just totally lost my cool and burst at the seams. I actually slammed my palms on the table top with such force that Phoenix Wright would be proud and screamed “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU” at the guy’s face.
Yes, I am absolutely and totally serious. No, I wouldn’t believe that I could do something like that either. Yeah, he was definitely startled. To be clear, up until this point, my interactions with my mother’s friend had been fairly genial. I am usually very self-contained and generally avoid speaking with friends-of-the-family when I can… language barrier and total lack of common ground, you know.
The moments right after that are a little fuzzier, but I think I glared at him for a couple nanoseconds more, then went back to eating my food and refused to look at him or anyone else at the table. I have no idea if anyone else in the vicinity noticed; even though I screamed it, we were in a very loud location as it was and my yell was probably swallowed up by the din of the noise very quickly beyond our table.
My palms are stinging at the memory. And though I don’t quite regret what I said or how I acted, I did promptly feel a tiny shred of remorse… mostly because I thought my parents would disapprove of my lack of self-control and I had started to wonder if I wasn’t just making things worse.
To my surprise, both of my parents individually sidled up to me when the other guy wasn’t in earshot and remarked about their wholehearted approval of my outburst. Apparently they agreed with my sentiment entirely, if maybe not entirely with the method of my delivery. But … they actually seemed impressed that I had it in me.
Yeah? So am I.
